Roast of the Month

Roast of the Month

Patrick Gibney

aka Turtleneck, aka Whitey Bulger, aka GuinnLaden, aka Lane-Change Leprechaun

• His bulge makes eye contact first, but it’s more foreskin than dick

• Came to America to play soccer, stayed for the fake tits

• For a dirty Irishman, he is obsessed with clean bathrooms

• A woman can’t get a second date unless she’s darker than Braxton Hockaday

• Has been known to track people down and hold them accountable via snail mail

• Claims to not understand Americans but has been here since the 80s

• What Patrick loves about Paddy’s girls? He gets older… they stay the same age

• The bar could be burning down and Patrick would be throwing a fit about a trash bag not being open all the way

• Patrick’s favorite thing to say when he’s being kind of gay is “I’m not a gay man, but if I was….. I’d fuck you”

• Wears thousand-dollar shoes to distract everyone from his small hands

• Only goes to orgies for the catering and for dick art inspiration

• Had a lady shit in his bed and leave after a bout of erectile dysfunction

• Patrick is a fair, clever, meticulous boss who cares deeply for his staff and wants success for everyone. He is a loving father and caring friend who knows nothing but honesty. We are proud to be a part of his world and the community he has built here in Fayetteville.