ROAST of the Month ~ Ryan Minton

ROAST of the Month

Ryan Minton

aka Turry aka Maynard G Krebs aka Onslow aka Cooter Davenport aka Freddie the Freeloader aka Columbo aka Phil Robertson

• Ryan is his middle name. His first name is Terentius, a classic Roman name that means, “hairy man with hard cock”

• Despite his fucked-up appearance, Terentius Ryan Minton is only 49 years old.

• There’s only one thing worse than women not talking to you and that’s a woman calling you Dad.

• A graduate of Douglas Byrd High School, Ryan was voted Most Likely to Overdose.

• Ryan’s most burning desire is to “capture beauty in an ugly world” – also known as kidnapping.

• Ryan thought about taking a bath once but then decided to leave it where it was.

• Aquaphobia is the fear of bathing. General causes include depression, anxiety, severe mental illness, deliberate nonconformity, or being Ryan Minton.

• Those aren’t jeans, they’re two denim bags.

• Ryan Minton is a self-described nihilist – someone who believes that human existence is absurd and human endeavor is insignificant. This is what happens to men who have never had their dick sucked.

• Ryan Minton is a very talented, hard-working comic. He is a kind, down-to-earth gentleman who is loved and respected by everyone at Paddy’s, except for women between the ages of 21 and 74.