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Bald As A Baby’s Arse

BY Paddy Gibney

Gabriel Perea, aka “El Pastore” aka “El Papi” aka “El Mami,” the multi-talented, multi-faceted, gender nonconforming, Al-Queda looking DJ from Columbia, South America, has decided to forgo plans for a hair transplant and remain bald. “I’ve been getting propositioned left and right ever since I shaved my head and dyed my beard, especially when I wear sunglasses and throw on a gold medallion. Bitches have been going crazy; grabbing at me and giving me their panties and shit. So, I’m like, ‘Aight then.’” El Mami’s colleague, Daniel “El Burrito Grande” Fimbres is considering shaving his head too. “Man, I’m a hairy motherfucker and my bitch loves it, but El Mami is taking two and three women home every night. I might have to shave my head and get me a little somethin’ somethin’ on the side.”

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