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CLUB GOSSIP  - Shooting Blanks

Local celebrity, artist, and entrepreneur, Shawn Adkins, was rushed to Cape Fear Valley Hospital recently with a severely swollen scrotum. “Dude, I woke up one morning and my ball sack was the size of a basketball. Fortunately, I was able to put it in the passenger seat of my car and drive myself to the hospital,” said Adkins, speaking exclusively to The Oily Discharge.

Doctors operated on Adkins immediately only to discover a severely swollen epididymis, the result of excessive masturbation. They performed an emergency vasectomy, and he’s now recuperating at home. “Dude, that was some scary shit. On the way to the hospital, I looked over at my ball sack and said, ‘Well guys, we’ve come to the end of our journey together.’ I didn’t think that rubbing one out every morning would lead to this. I’ll be shooting blanks from here on out, I guess.”

Shawn is the creator and host of Art Attack every Wednesday in The Church Entertainment Lounge.

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