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Dear Alice
Dear Alice,
My fiancé’s sister propositioned me recently. She cornered me in the bathroom and said she wanted to have sex with me before her sister and I tied the knot. For some crazy reason, I agreed and said I would meet her in her bedroom. When I came back from getting a condom out of my car, they were both there waiting for me in the bedroom. It was a trick. They called me all kinds of names and wouldn’t give me a chance to explain. They then kicked me out of the house. The wedding is off, and my life is ruined. How do I get her back?
Alan R, Raleigh, NC
Dear Alan,
What were you going to “explain?” That you found Jesus on your way to her bedroom? And what was the “crazy reason” you agreed to exchange bodily fluids with your fiancé’s sister? And how would you feel if you knew your fiancé would gladly play hide-the-sausage with your brother if she thought no one would ever know? You were thinking with your bald-headed yogurt slinger, Alan, and now you have to pay the price. If I were you, I would seek some professional help as to why I asked a woman to marry me but then suddenly lost control of my little chubby friend when her sister offered me a bit of crumpet.
Good luck.
Alice Gibney, Dublin, Ireland
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