Dear Alyssa,

It’s better than destroying your anus, don’t you think? Look, if not agreeing to anal sex with him “destroys” your relationship, then he’s not the man for you. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph – what’s wrong with the normal way of making whoopie? Are you sure he’s fully straight? He might be a tomato – that’s where you can’t tell if he’s a fruit or not. Also, you should really make sure that he wants to have anal sex with you and not the other way around. If that’s the case, you’re with a real sicko. Either way, you might want to explain to him that anal sex is not what God intended for anyone’s anus. The anus can tear. It’s nothing like a hoo-ha. Then there’s Newton’s third law of motion to consider – what goes up, must come down. You could end up in a really shitty situation.

Alice Gibney

Dublin, Ireland