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Dear Alice
Advice from an Irish Mother
Dear Alice,
I’m 86 years old, but I’m in great shape. I have a full head of slicked-back hair, and my teeth are my own. Recently, a very sexy 22-year-old college student moved in next door. She is mouth-watering. When I first met her, I said to her, “Where have you been all my life?” She smiled, but it became awkward. Was I wrong to make a move on her?
Herbert, Maimi Beach, FL
Dear Herbert,
Where has she been all your life? For the first three quarters of it, she wasn’t even born yet. Do you really imagine, even in your wildest dreams, that a girl like that could possibly be interested in an ageing, brilliantined, stick-insect like you? Unless, of course, you have loads of money. Either way, you might be suffering from some kind of penile dementia.
Alice Gibney, Dublin, Ireland
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