Employee of the Month
Eddie Cauldwell aka Fast Eddie aka Clark Bent aka Perineum aka Crazy Motherfucker
- Former Clansman from Biloxi, Mississippi.
- Lost his virginity when he was 7 years old to a sex doll named Candy.
- He had a vasectomy when he was 8, but had it reversed a year later when he and Candy decided to have a kid.
- His first words to Debbie, his future wife, were, “Would you mind holding my beer while I take a shit?”
- His second words to Debbie were, “Thanks. Wanna fuck?”
- Debbie describes Eddies balls as “earthen vessels filled with heavenly contents.”
- Depression and guilt set in after every time he jerks off into Debbie’s sock.
- Pornhub does for Eddie what Lourdes does for humpbacks and cripples.
- If it was raining tits and ass, Eddie would get hit by a brick.
- Sometimes he feels like a mosquito who has caught malaria.
- Invented Eddie’s Fuck Brace, a knee brace that has helped thousands of men fuck well into old age.
- Eddie is a loyal husband, a devoted father and grandfather, a reliable friend, and a true and inspirational survivor.