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Employee of the Month

Christen Elisabeth Simmons ~ aka Suck, aka Bang, aka Blow

  • Her left titty weighs seven pounds more than her right titty.
  • Her oral skills could make a black man whistle Dixie, or a white man eat chitlins.
  • An avid reader, her favorite books are “Reverse Harem” – this is where a large group of guys have sex with the same girl – wholesome stuff.
  • Sometimes a girl needs a hug on her vagina with a tongue or on her anus with a dick.
  • Christen is the world’s pickiest eater, but she’ll drink anything.
  • She doesn’t use condiments or salad dressings, but she will gladly toss your salad.
  • Her favorite place to have sex? The Garage.
  • Her dream is to wear a strap-on dildo and peg Brandon Love. Krispy Crème donuts for everyone if this ever happens.
  • She’ll gladly sit on your face Tuesday for an African American hot dog today.
  • If it were raining dick, she’d get hit by a brick.
  • There’s nothing wrong with her vagina, that’s just glitter.
  • Christen is a loyal and honest friend, a devoted mother, and one of the kindest and most decent people on God’s green earth.

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