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Inspector Dick

BY The Guy That Looks Like Michael Becker


You think my job is easy? You think that always walking the line and NEVER breaking the law is not that hard? Well then, step up and join the police force and experience the crap I have to deal with every damn day.


My stress levels really skyrocketed this year on my mom’s birthday because she really screwed the pooch. I swung by her house for dinner with her, my brother, his wife and their 3 kids, who I believe were fathered by Satan himself. Of course, I brought the usual; a bag of Werther’s, a bouquet of flowers, and 3 hours of my precious time. I arrived 25 minutes early and appeared to be the only one there. After looking around for a bit, I ventured back out to the porch, when I noticed my mother in her electric mobility chair driving back from her neighbor’s house. As I approached the street to greet her, she reeked of liquor and cigarettes. She could hardly sit up and was speaking in cursive. It is unfortunate that my brother showed up just after the patrol car left to take her to the station. I’m not sure what my brother got her, but after blowing a .16 BAC, she could really use some help bonding out of jail.

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