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Dear Alice

Advice from an Irish Mother

Dear Alice,

My marriage is less than a year old, but it’s falling apart already. I have to make a “date” with my wife if I want sex. Right now, it’s the first Tuesday of each month at 7 pm. She insists that the room be pitch black, and she will only allow me to have sex with her in the missionary position? If I use any kind of sexual language at all, she gets terribly upset because she considers it degrading. I’m at my wits end. What should I do? I love my wife, and I don’t want to lose her.

Michael S. Atlanta, GA.

Dear Michael,

You’ve already lost her, love. In fact, I doubt you ever had her. What were you thinking marrying a woman like that? Didn’t you know she was like that BEFORE you married her? Or was she all about the hanky-panky while you were dating and suddenly became a dead fish once you were married? Either way, get the hell out of there. Find yourself a nice girl who doesn’t have a stick up her arse.

Alice Gibney

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