Employee of the Month
Jacob Ford aka Jake aka Oscar aka Ol’ Fussbucket aka The Snake aka Forrest Grump
- Jake is the human version of period cramps.
- He started going bald when he was 7 years old.
- He eventually decided to shave his head, so he would look like a dick too.
- He was really good at climbing trees until, “The Accident.”
- He makes his wife leave the door wide open when she’s using the bathroom.
- He’s a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
- He never forgets meeting people, but he keeps trying.
- If Jake randomly throws a stick while you’re talking to him, that means he wants you to leave.
- His serious face could make an onion cry.
- Close your eyes for a moment and try to imagine Jake with a personality.
- If you look up the meaning of the word, Curmudgeon, there is a photo of Jake.
- Jake is a loving father, a loyal husband, a faithful friend, an American Patriot, and very kind and patient with people who “know Paddy.”