The Reverend Ryan Minton

The Oily Discharge can officially report that local comic, Ryan Minton, has been so affected by his role as St. Patrick at various events over the past several months, that he has decided to become a Catholic priest.

“I’m doing it for two reasons,” said Father Minton, “material for my standup routine, and sex. The truth is, I’ve a much better chance of getting laid if I become a priest. Women love the uniform. And not only that, the shit I’ll be hearing during people’s confessions will be hilarious. I’m taking that right to the stage with me.”

Asked whether the Catholic church rules about sexual abstinence and the parishioner's right to privacy matters to him, Reverend Minton’s face turned dark and his tone ominous, “Listen to me. Fuck that. People need to laugh, and I need to get laid. End of conversation.”