April showers bring May flowers, but I am looking for two lips now. Last month, after being parked outside of Paddy’s Irish pub for St. Patrick’s Day, I ended up going home without arresting anyone; empty handed, as it were. But then again, most of the military guys trying to sling dick that day went home empty handed as well. But, as I was pulling out of the pub and heading downtown, I observed a car with two known prostitutes inside. It had a sign on the roof that read, “Two Prostitutes - Get Your Dick Sucked - $50.00”. I immediately pulled them over and told them to remove the sign. But at that exact moment, a truck passed by with a giant cross on the back of it. It had a sign under the cross that read, “Jesus Saves”. One of the girls asked me, “How come you’re not pulling that guy over?!” I explained that the trucker’s sign was a little different because it was referring to a religion and not knob slobbin’. Clearly upset, the two hookers took their sign down and drove off.

The following night, as I pulled out of the station to head to Krispy Kreme for a free donut and a free cup of coffee, I noticed the two prostitutes with another large sign on top of their car. The sign read, “Two Fallen Angels - With Tulips - Seeking Peter - $50.00” I lost them after they turned down Donaldson Street.

Written BY The guy that looks like Michael Becker